I woke up this morning, only the second day past the ending of formal schooling, and knew that I had to implement a routine for my sons. I thought that I was going to wait a week or two, but I could already sense that sloth would be harder to push back if I waited. And honestly? They seemed relieved. Even teenagers need structure and routine to live well, maybe even more so than young children. “Idle hands are the devil’s workshop” and all that, but really.
My kids are no different than others. They play a lot outdoors and have great neighborhood friends, but they also love YouTube. They watch videos on mountain biking, rappeling, solving Rubik’s cubes, but also those annoying influencers that play video games and show you how they do it. Why do those guys yell so much? If I am not guiding their mornings, I’ll come down and find a kid or two under a pile of blankets watching inane content. I want a different feel to our summer, not feeling like we are at the mercy of endless entertainment. No other generation of parents has had to deal with these particular issues like we have. It’s new territory, and it’s not easy to find the healthy line. Every family is different, has their own values, opinions, and ideals, and we need to find the right fit for our own family.
I have been mulling over and discussing with friends what summer could look like. If you have children ages 15 or above, get them a job or make them volunteer somewhere. I have done this with my four oldest, and it’s the best way to help keep teens healthily busy and focused. If you have a middle schooler with a reasonable head on their shoulders, get them babysitting. Some of my best, most responsible and fun babysitters were 11-13 year olds! Solid work and outside accountability builds their confidence, gives them spending money, and is great for their mental health.
I am still building the scaffolding of our summer. It will include a lot of time at the pool, playing ultimate frisbee, and my 15 and 18 year old will do a 12-week conditioning program Monday through Friday from 6:30-8:30am starting the end of May. I believe more than I ever have in the value of plenty of physical exercise for kids, especially male teens. In light of that, the basic daily template that I have landed on is: Move, Chores, Read.
There will be no screens for my kids until “the big three” have been completed. My two youngest sons do not enjoy reading. They are doers and very active. I am having to incentivize them, and I don’t think that’s a bad thing at all. If Henry (9) reads 10 simple books, he gets a Pelican’s Snow Cone. He sat down and read Nate the Great today from start to finish. This is big for him. For Luke (11), the goal is 5 books. He declares that he just won’t have screens this summer. Ha! We’ll see if I can finally find the right books for him. I will do some bigger prizes if Henry can hit 25, and Luke can hit 15. My son Will (15) has a goal of 3 books: a biography of an NBA player, a book on negotiation, and a fiction read. My son John (18) is dyslexic and usually listens to audiobooks. I did give him an intellectual devotional today with daily entries about historical figures and events. He is to read 2 of those a day along with gospel of John.
For chores, I am going beyond the basics of what they normally do and adding in some deep cleaning. John cleaned the outside of the four back porch windows today along with the dishes. Will is washing the inside and outside of our two kitchen trashcans when he gets home from work, and he wiped down counters before he left. Luke did some yard work, and Henry put away a lot of things and helped with laundry. Katie jumped in and cleaned the microwave, did some hand-washing, and wiped the kitchen table (college kids need to pitch in too!)
Movement looks like walks, runs, bicycling, jumping on the trampoline, swimming. They need to be active at least 30 minutes outdoors before seeing their phones or turning on the TV. Our teens are required to turn in their phones to our room every evening, and I have learned the hard way that I need to require specific things of them before they retrieve them in the mornings. When they stumble in and grab their phones first thing, it begins their day feeling scattered, unfocused, and hard to motivate. Exercise is one of the best things to require before screens. If nothing else, I will fall back on this one as the most important for them in the season they are in.
Will I implement this perfectly? No. Will we get off track? Yes. Will I give up? I hope not. I have learned that making these structures and enforcing them, no matter how imperfectly, is worth it. Faithful Christians begin again. That is our mantra. We will miss days. I will get lax and inconsistent. Life happens. But this will be our default to get back on track. There won’t be a perfect row of calendar boxes checked off front this new system. That is not the goal. The goal is to have a rhythm to work towards, a template of health and well-being for all of us, and the grace to keep trying, knowing that this good and beneficial. No guilt. No shame. If we do it three days and miss two, then we did better than nothing at all. I don’t have any desire to create something that breeds a sense of failure, but instead to keep the simple “big three” in front of us, a daily invitation to live well, balanced, and purposeful.
Do you have a summer scaffolding? I’ll be writing more on this as our summer evolves. Comment if you have some good ideas and thoughts on this topic!
Here’s to finding the ways that feel doable, accessible, and nourishing this summer that are grace-filled and life-giving.
Peace and grace,
Aimee
I love this! Scaffolding is needed for all.
I love the idea of scaffolding- our formal schooling doesn’t end until the first week of June so I am going to take some of these ideas to build my own. Thanks for sharing Aimee, I really love reading these daily.